An American Living in Australia

1.  When seeing dead kangaroos on the side of the road becomes normal and you wonder if you’ve lost your heart. You tell yourself they’re just like deer. And that somehow makes you feel a little bit better.

2.  You get ready to go night shopping. Cause you’re busy during the day working and such. Only to find all the stores are closed. And on the weekends you can forget sleeping in. Cause if you need to eat and couldn’t buy your food at night during the week those stores you like close as early as 1pm. Consider yourself lucky if they stay open until 3 pm. Like what do you even do at night? Shop not.

3.  When spider killing becomes a sport where you have to decide your best weapon and seriously consider running around your neighborhood to gather backup support because you can’t see any other way. Actually someone just needs to do away with it for you. Would calling 911 be better though cause you don’t have to leave the intruder all alone only to have it go missing. Would one spray can of Raid even phase this thing?! Glad we’re stocked up.

4.  When you want to order 2 of everything you want on the menu at a restaurant cause have you seen those portion sizes? Appetizer status. Spend a small fortune (for real??) and then end up going home and eating everything in sight anyway. Decide you’ll never eat out again.

5.  When it’s summer and your house doesn’t have ac. No one’s house does. And most days you survive. But some days you suffocate. Fans just don’t cut it people. You cannot stand to cook so fruit is looking better than ever. You end up driving around to find stores that have ac. Is ac even a thing here? Let’s just road trip across the country right now cause at least our car is on board. And you’re lying in bed at night and you can’t sleep cause the sheets are getting wet with your own sweat. And intimacy is out of the question. Don’t even touch me. Every pore of my body is weeping. Just don’t.

6.  You realize that everyone still hangs their clothes outside on a clothesline. To dry. Oh that’s nice. I did that in the early 90’s with my mom. Pretty sure it’s illegal now where I’m from. Written into every lease agreement and HOA. NO CLOTHES WILL BE HUNG OUTSIDE. Cause no one wants to see your clean clothes blowing in the wind. An eyesore. It might save some energy or something. Be better for the environment. Yes, that’s it.

7.  Not all of the kangaroos you see will be roadkill. You might even witness a baby kangaroo hopping down the street right in front of your own house and you can’t even believe your eyes. And there’s no time to document it cause by then it’s already hopped away.

8.  You end up loving Australia so much that you can’t even bear the thought of leaving. And it quickly becomes your home away from home.

♥️ Written by Brittany ♥️

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