This is February 2017

This is my first post since being back in the USA. We only arrived 6 months ago. A blog post every 1/2 year might be a bit much. Apologies to anyone out there who thinks I write too often. 2016 was quite the year for my family. Financial downward spiral and black hole. The glorious birth of our first child. Moving countries with a 3 month old. And now we are in the middle of the immigration process for my husband. Which takes quite a lot of time. Which makes us more patient people? Hopefully he will be able to get work authorization within the next few months. We’re hopeful for April, but thinking it will probably be more like May. Which in the grand scheme of things isn’t toooo far away, hey hey? Eh? Having money to exist is so overrated anyway. I’m sure we can all agree there.

I have plans to work on the blog more as I have too many thoughts and reflections and ideas of things I’d like to jot down and mull over. I want to talk about food and health and makeup and products I love for the three of us and motherhood and pregnancy and birth and everything really, let’s be serious. I’m leaning toward my next post being about my tips on preparing the body for pregnancy and getting it into a more fertile state. In my early twenties my health was declining more and more with each new year. By age 25 I thought I might not ever be able to have children with everything that was going on physically. I felt betrayed by my own body and felt like I was never going to get better. That I would be miserable until the day I died and secretly wished that the day I die must come sooner rather than later. I am not dramatic at all guys – just so you know. But then I learned A LOT. I made some drastic changes regarding my diet and lifestyle that have made me substantially healthier which in turn prepared my body for childbearing. A great consequence if you ask me. I was not very confident at first that my body would be able to get/be pregnant very easily at all. I was quite surprised and even shocked that I was able to get pregnant the exact first month of wanting to try for a baby. And I feel that so many women can reverse a lot of infertility issues with specific things they can do themselves to change things around. I will share some of my thoughts on the topic soon.

Gosh I miss Australia. Geelong. Torquay. Ocean Grove. Melbourne. We initially thought that we would live in Australia long term as in like forever. I had my house that for once really seemed like my home. I typically don’t live in the same place long enough for the dwelling to feel like much of anything let alone a real home that feels cozy and inviting. Oh how I miss the crisp fresh air amidst the multitude of birds chirping and the near constant breeze blowing. And the sight of the white sailboats dotting the bay. As much as I miss it I know deep down that my family is better suited for living in my country instead of Trent’s. So I will accept that fate and as the years pass and as we age and grow old together I will simply remember our little home in a country far, far away that we once lived in and dreamed in and laughed in and cried in.


The house we left behind


A sunset from our front porch


Trent’s view out the windows of his work overlooking the Geelong waterfront


Barwon Heads


In this life you must learn how to change and change often. Many things are never constant. In fact most things aren’t. My family has lots of goals we want to accomplish in 2017 and also for 2018. If we meet even a couple of our goals I will be satisfied. As long as we are making goals and striving to achieve great things then that is really all that matters. Be better today than you were yesterday. Even if it’s a minuscule amount of better. God understands. He knows. He catches us when we are falling. And goodness knows falling is a commonality.

Trent has been enjoying his first winter with snow and I am happy that Utah has shown him lots of white this year since he’s never seen it before. Our little man is already 9 months. Wasn’t it just yesterday I thought I was dying during labor? As of a month ago he’s decided he isn’t fond of his bottles any longer. “Drink your milk” is uttered 73418 times per day. Annnnnd then there are solids. Or there are supposed to be solids. He doesn’t believe in solids other than avocado and orange things (think pumpkin, squash, sweet potato), and peanut butter and absolutely nothing else…..yet. He’s got 2 front bottom teeth and loads of blonde hair. He loves to crawl and laughs about anything and everything. His first word was Mama. Dada soon followed.

Next month both Trent and I will be turning the big 3 – 0. Yes we share the same birthday month. And birthday year. So here’s to new beginnings as we enter our thirties in March and our little boy turns 1 in April. Gasp!!!

Hoping to write more soon. I hope you will have/are having a blessed day!


Moving On

13730941_1069342863152640_8826676320852397693_oHello hello,

A lot has happened in our lives since I last posted! We got pregnant, I went through 9 months of pregnancy, and then our little bundle arrived making us the parents of the most precious baby boy! He is already 3 months old. Seriously this life whizzes by like the bees and the wind in the trees. Here is a snippet into what we are up to at the moment.

. . . . . As my husband leaves his Australian homeland and I return to my own USA homeland, we walk into the unknown. I better get packing but do not know how and we leave in 4 days. I feel like a box of puzzle pieces that has been thrown to the floor causing pieces to fly everywhere. I am not finished with you yet Melbourne but we must be on our way. Everything is being left behind. I am reminded that life means change and that we must be able to adapt. Even when we are resisting it. Even when we don’t want to. However, us planning on staying and now picking up and leaving with nothing organized or sorted out has night and day and left and right indistinguishable at best.

am going to miss the times I didn’t get to spend on the beaches and exploring the region. I will miss the conversations with people I merely became acquainted with and that I really wanted to know deeply. The past 2 years have been hard. Real hard. But that is life.

“The world will break your heart ten ways to Sunday, that’s guaranteed. And I can’t begin to explain that or the craziness inside myself.” —Silver Linings Playbook

I wish I were better at descriptions and explanations. I wish I could have done more and been more and accomplished more lately. I wish I weren’t mentally drained and emotionally as well as physically exhausted all of the time. I wish I could look up at my fridge and see wedding announcements and pictures of fluffy kittens and cute quotes that make you feel all will be okay with the world. Instead all I see are unpaid bills from weeks and months ago that haunt my every thought and take over my mind entirely. We have faced financial disaster time and time again. Many times have we raided our kitchen cupboards and pantry to find things we could return to the store in hopes that the store will take back the items so that we can buy our son a box of formula. A box of formula.

Together Trent and I have battled addictions which have strained our marriage. We have worked tirelessly to mend the unmendable. I have struggled to maintain my faith during this time which has made my spiritual side suffer. We are in a much better place now but there were times when I couldn’t have imagined us getting here. Our love for each other is unconditional. He is the only one I want to hold hands with when my hair is gray and I am aged and weathered from the storms of continual wear and tear.

Because of the high levels of chronic stress my health has not been the best. I have had flare after flare and have just not been myself. My body handled my pregnancy and childbirth well but has not been very good at recovering after it all. I have lost my vibrancy. I wish I could find it. My son’s arrival has in a lot of ways saved me from deep sadness that is oftentimes consuming. He brings me great joy and fills me with happiness – more than I could ever deserve.

When survival and the very act of existing is at the forefront, everything else just fades away. You can’t think straight. You just shut down.

Trent and I both have shut down but we are about to get a restart. The birth of our son has awakened us from our melancholy days. When we get to Utah we will be surrounded by my supportive family and especially my dear mother whom I want to see every possible day until her last on this earth. She is the epitome of everything I would ever want to aspire to and become. The mountains, the summer heat, and the hope of better things to come await us on the other side.